I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can't motorboat a personality
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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