Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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