If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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