It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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