I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
