Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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