If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
