I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
