Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
