this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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