We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I smell like Dick and happiness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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