Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize