You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
