Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
