I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
