I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
where are my eyebrows?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
