the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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