how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
