i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im part way to drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
