Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
