there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
