Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
