if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
