you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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