its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
