I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
