the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
