party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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