Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize