Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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