oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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