I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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