is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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