We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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