wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
