some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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