Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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