First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
