he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
