Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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