Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
