I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
