Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
