i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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