I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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