Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
