dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
