you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
