eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I could fuck to npr.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
