Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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