god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my liver is dry heaving
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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