Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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