We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
