It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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