he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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