Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You did what with his pubic hair?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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