Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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