Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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