I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
