I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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