If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There r osticjed everywhere
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
