P.S. I can't hear my feet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
