You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
