Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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