Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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