I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So many bounce houses so little time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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