I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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