thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
