I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
