I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
