Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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