i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
