he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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