dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
