I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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