Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My feet surprised me
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