Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
